Breakfast · Dairy-Free · Drinks · Snacks

Blender Boss Smoothies

Blenders have it out for me….Kind of a strange thing to say, having a feud with a kitchen tool, but it’s true.

When I worked in The Ravens Club kitchen, I had to make an herbed ice as an element in a dessert. To make it, I had to boil sugar and water together, then blend the boiling hot sugar liquid with fresh herbs, freeze it and ‘shave’ it into little shards to sprinkle over top of the dish. Reading ‘blend the boiling hot sugar water’ should strike fear into the heart of any noob cook, because sugar burns are the absolute worst!  The scorching sugar will stick itself to whatever surface it touches and continue to burn – like my face!

One day I was going about my business in the kitchen, pouring the sugar lava into a blender and throwing in the herbs, but when I pressed the ‘Puree’ buttobreak-your-fast-smoothie-love-is-kneadedn on the blender it sounded like someone had kept a banshee locked in the walk-in cooler for weeks. A piercing shriek came from the blender and all of a sudden, my entire station was covered in steaming green liquid. I raised my arms just in time to feel a hot splash stretch across my forearms and brush above my brow. I quickly wiped the sugar from my arms, but wondered why my eyebrow was stinging. I ran to the paper towel dispenser to examine my face – of course, the warped metal box wasn’t a great help – and saw Quasimodo staring back at me in the reflection, my left eyebrow bright red and swollen, with a series of tiny blisters building above my brow.

Since that fateful day, I’ve taken extreme caution when working with blenders. One hand on the lid of the blender, another next to the ‘OFF’ button and my face craned as far away from the devilish machine as possible. You can imagine that when Bronson suggested that we start making smoothies for breakfast, my first response was a hard and fast “NO!”. I couldn’t imagine trying to manage a blender at 6am, half-asleep and hungry.

“But this would be an opportunity to beat blenders, once and for all!” Bronson said, “We’ll call them your Blender Boss Smoothies.” I kind of hate it when Bronson helps me be a better grown-up, but I love him for it. And, I made him make the smoothies the first few times…

We start our smoothies with oats because they’re great for texture, fiber and protein. I grind 1 cup of oats in the blender first, then add all of the fruit and 1 cup of almond milk. You’ll want to keep the ratio of oats to milk even so that the smoothie blends together easily – the oats love to stick to the bottom of the

Once that’s all nice and smooth, we toss in ½ cup hemp protein powder. That may sound like an obscure ingredient, but it’s usually available in a grocery’s baking aisle – we buy the Red Mill brand and it’s great! It doesn’t change the taste at all, but I will admit that it changes the texture a bit, depending on how much is added – a little grittier, but not very noticeable with the texture of the oats. After adding the hemp protein, I toss in half a dozen ice cubes and blend that sucker up!

These Blender Boss Smoothies are fresh, sweet and filling. The banana makes the mixture delectably creamy and smooth, while the strawberries and the apple brighten up the flavor with their sweetness. The blueberries add a little bit of sourness, but it pairs well with the rest of the mix. After drinking one of these boss smoothies for breakfast, I’m full and ready to carpe diem the crap out of the day!  The oats and the protein powder give this smoothie density, which helps me feel satisfied and give me long-lasting energy so that I don’t crash later in the morning.

Bronson was right; making these smoothies helped me beat my blender fear. I feel like a boss after making and drinking one of these smoothies! Go show your blender who’s boss!

Recipe for Blender Boss Smoothie:

1 cup Rolled Oats
1 Banana, sliced
10 Strawberries, stems cut off
3/4 cup Blueberries
1 Honeycrisp Apple, diced
½ cup Hemp Protein Powder
6 Ice Cubes

Pour oats into the bottom of the blender and puree/grind/blend them until all oats are mostly ground. Add the sliced banana, strawberries, blueberries, diced apple and almond milk. Puree until smooth. Add hemp protein powder and ice cubes. Puree until no large ice chunks remain.


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